I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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