every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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