I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
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