this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
