Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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