When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
