The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize