She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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