I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
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I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
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Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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