I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
