I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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