Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
