oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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