just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
