i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
