i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
