Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
