I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
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I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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