I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize