He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
