I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
