Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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