you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
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I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
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Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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