If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
