I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
this must be what syphilis tastes like
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
