I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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