Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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