You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
