What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
