laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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