I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
