What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
