So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
