I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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