Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
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He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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