I think my fart just growled at me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
