ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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