Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
