His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
