Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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