he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
