the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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