I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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