Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
