My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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