I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
