Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dear god my vagina.
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