I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
