we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
be right there i have to get my cape
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize