Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
