I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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