why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
