I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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