Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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