Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
