I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
