No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
