Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
